The 'Always-On' Work Culture is Sabotaging Your Adult Friendships

Alex stares at his phone, it’s 11 PM. He is doom scrolling between LinkedIn, Slack, and Instagram feed that is filled with stories of ways to break out of the daily grind and reasons he is feeling lonely and lacking friends. His mind is switching between how he needs to 'get a life' and 'if he can find more ways to make money'.

So far this week, he has had three cancelled dinner plans, two missed birthday celebrations and another conversation with that one secondary school friend - whom he swore to be ‘best buds for life’ - slowly dissolving into "we should catch up soon ya" messages that never materialise.

Like Alex, you may find yourself living in what we call the productivity paradox: working harder than ever to build a successful career, whilst watching your adult friendships crumble under the weight of an ‘always-on’ mentality.

When Work and Productivity Becomes Your Identity

Every day, your socials is filled with rags-to-riches tales and stories of extraordinary productivity. Sometimes it's a person who transformed a simple idea into a billion-dollar company; other times, it's someone who started their journey "late"—perhaps at 35 or 40—and went on to build an empire. These stories rack up hundreds of thousands of likes and shares.

While their intention might be to inspire, but there's a downside too, this kind of content starts to make you feel inadequate. You question your life choices and begin to feel anxious. Thoughts like "I'm already 28—so old! I don't know what I've done with my life" becomes all too common.

In that daze to become someone worth ‘being noticed’ - productivity has become your identity. You measure your worth in bitcoin, deliverables and KPIs. Rest isn't recovery—it's lost opportunity.

From experience, this "always-on" mindset creates three relationship drainers:

1. Transactional Thinking

When every interaction is calculated by the quality of its output and efficiency, you start viewing friendships through the same lens. "What's the ROI of this dinner?" "Is this conversation motivating me to move forward?" Adult friendships, which thrive on seemingly ‘unproductive’ activities like deep conversations and shared experiences, suddenly feel like time theft from your career goals.

2. Energy Depletion

After a 12-hour workday of being always ‘on’ in meetings, strategy sessions with the big bosses, answering clients’ questions, you have no energy left for authentic connection. You show up to social gatherings physically present but emotionally drained, going through the motions of friendship without the energy for genuine engagement.

3. Presence Poverty

You’re at the dinner table with your friends each of you is checking emails during the meals. You’re nodding your head to seem polite but your mind is thinking about tomorrow's presentation or mentally drafting responses to Slack. You leave dinner feeling more drained than recharged, reminiscing the time when ‘hanging out with your friends recharged you.’

The Singapore Context: Why It Hits Harder Here

For many, work has become the primary source of identity and self-worth. The kiasu culture wires us to stay ahead, whilst expensive living costs create pressure to maximise earning potential. When career success becomes your sole metric for success, friendships become casualties in the pursuit of professional achievement.

But pursuing productivity from a place that isn't truly connected to who you are—without considering your values, gifts, and talents, or reflecting on what you've inherited and how those qualities are expressing themselves through you—will eventually leave you feeling empty, despite external achievements.

The Hidden Costs: What You're Really Losing

The impact goes far beyond missed social events. Research consistently shows that strong adult friendships are linked to:

• Enhanced creativity: Diverse social connections spark innovation and fresh thinking
• Improved physical health: Social isolation has health impacts equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes daily
• Better mental health: Friends provide emotional support that no amount of career success can replace
• Increased resilience: People with strong friendship networks bounce back faster from setbacks
• Greater life satisfaction: Career success without meaningful relationships leaves us feeling empty despite external achievements

Breaking Free: The Path to Sustainable Connection

Redefining the way, you view productivity doesn't mean abandoning your career ambitions. Rather, it means developing a more nuanced approach to what true success looks like—and recognising that meaningful friendships are a cornerstone of a fulfilling life. It’s about finding a way forward that honours both your ambitions and your need for meaningful connection.

Redefine Productivity

True productivity isn't about being busy—it's about creating value. Strong friendships enhance your professional life by providing emotional support, diverse perspectives, and a network of people who genuinely care about your success beyond just your output.

Practice Presence

When you're with friends, be fully present. This means more than just putting your phone away—it means actively listening, asking thoughtful questions, and engaging in conversations that go beyond the surface.

Invest in Relationship Skills

Just as you invest in professional development, invest in learning how to build and maintain meaningful adult friendships. This includes developing emotional intelligence, communication skills, and the ability to be vulnerable in appropriate ways. See 1-1 Relationship Strategy Session.

4-step Action Plan to Regain Adult Friendships

Step 1: Audit Your Current State

• Track how much time you spend on work-related activities outside office hours
• Identify friends you've lost touch with due to work demands

Step 2: Set Sacred Boundaries

• Notice how often you check your phone during social interactions
• Establish specific work cut-off times and stick to them
• Practice saying "I'll respond to this tomorrow" instead of immediately replying to non-urgent messages

Step 3: Reconnect

• Reach out to one friend you've neglected due to work pressure
• Schedule regular social activities that don't revolve around work discussions
• Create phone-free zones during meals and social activities
• Practice being fully present during conversations

Step 4: Build Systems

• Create recurring calendar blocks for social time that you protect like important meetings
• Develop strategies for managing work anxiety that don't involve constantly checking messages
• Establish rituals that help you transition from work mode to personal mode

Your New Success Metrics

True success in Singapore's competitive landscape isn't just about climbing the corporate ladder—it's about building a life that's both professionally fulfilling and personally meaningful. This means:

• Quality over quantity: Fewer, deeper friendships rather than extensive but shallow professional networks
• Sustainable practices: Work habits that don't require sacrificing your personal relationships
• Holistic wellbeing: Recognising that career success without meaningful connections often leads to burnout and dissatisfaction
• Authentic presence: Being genuinely engaged in both professional and personal interactions

Moving Forward: Your Relationship Investment Strategy

The always-on work culture isn't going anywhere, but your response to it can change. Instead of being reactive to every notification and demand, you can become intentional about how you invest your time and energy.

Remember that building adult friendships requires the same strategic thinking you apply to your career. It needs consistent investment, clear priorities, and the recognition that some of the most valuable outcomes can't be measured in traditional productivity metrics.

Your friendships aren't just nice-to-have additions to a successful life—they're essential components of sustainable success. The question isn't whether you can afford to invest in them, but whether you can afford not to.