How to Ask Your Partner to Try Couple Therapy

As therapists, we have many individuals approaching us seeking advice on how to “convince” their partner to attend couple therapy. They say:

• “My partner thinks there’s nothing wrong with our relationship.”
• “My partner thinks therapy is a waste of money; the therapist won’t be able to tell us anything we don’t already know.”
• “My partner thinks our problems are too big and therapy cannot help."

Here are some tips if you are considering couple therapy but are unsure how your partner will respond.

1. Get Clear on Your Intention

Reflect on WHY you are considering couple therapy, and what you would like to get out of it.

The highest rate of success in couple therapy is achieved when both partners are committed to working on themselves and their relationship.

Couple therapy is unlikely to be fruitful when the intention is to convince an unwilling partner to stay in the relationship, or to expect the therapist to be the judge and decide who is right or wrong.

2. Understand What Couple Therapy Is All About

Read up on different types of therapy and their approaches. Here are four principles we base our couples therapy on at SACRED® Institute:

a) Empowerment: The goal of couple therapy is not to fix the problem for you, but to empower you and your partner with the tools to resolve issues on your own. These tools include:

Self-awareness – including how your past experiences and beliefs shape your perspective and behavior

Communication skills – not just theory but application in actual issues in your relationship

Shared values and goals – identifying commonalities that guide your direction as a couple

b) Prevention is better than cure: Couple therapy is not just for couples who are facing serious issues, but also for couples who are looking to build a strong foundation for their relationship.

Having deep understanding, intimacy, and healthy conflict management mechanisms can help prevent issues from becoming bigger in the long run.

c) Importance of selecting the right therapist: Not all couple therapists are the same. The ability of
the therapist to facilitate safe and open communication, and to identify and address patterns and root causes from a neutral space is key to the success of couple therapy.

Therapists with lived experience can provide a practical and personal perspective.

d) Couple therapy benefits not just the relationship but both individuals’ lives as a whole: From
our experience, the issues between couples often stem from their individual trauma, which affects other areas of their lives as well.

Through therapy, both parties not only resolve issues in their relationship, but also find greater purpose, personal growth, and fulfilment in all areas of their life.

3. Communicate and find alignment with your partner

Once you are clear on your intention for seeking therapy and understand what therapy is about, consider what is the best way to communicate your thoughts and feelings with your partner. Listen to their views and concerns as well.

As a couple, identify areas of alignment – what are your common goals in the relationship; what kind of relationship do both of you want; and how can you achieve that. When there is clarity and alignment between both of you, it would be easier to come to an agreement about seeking therapy.

Personal Note

We (Kavitha and Kester, resident therapists and founders of SACRED® Institute) are not just therapists, but also a couple ourselves. We understand the challenges and effort it takes to make a relationship work.

Even though we are therapists, we have also sought professional help to understand our blind spots and build a stronger foundation in our relationship.

Many of our behaviors and patterns come from our subconscious, which our conscious mind does not have access to in our day-to-day life.

Engaging a professional can help us understand parts of ourselves which we are not aware of, and address unhealthy patterns in our personal and romantic life.

Just as we engage coaches and mentors to improve our performance at work or sports or any field, therapists can facilitate greater growth, closeness and fulfilment in our intimate relationships.

Take Action

At SACRED Institute, we offer couples counselling in Singapore and coach couples to deepen their intimacy, work on inner healing, and build fulfilling relationships.

1-1 or Couple Therapy: Get personalised support. Find out how you can book a therapy session with us → CLICK HERE

Relationship Course: Learn the skills and tools that have helped 1,000+ people experience fulfilling relationships. Learn more about our signature Relationship Foundational Course → CLICK HERE

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