My Relationship With Myself
For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be someone extraordinary.
I remember, when I was in primary school, thinking how ordinary life seemed.
I was an X-men fan. And being born into a Catholic family, I was exposed to the stories of superheroes and saints with special powers.
I fantasised about discovering I had superpowers like Wolverine or Jesus, and showing up at school and impressing everyone - or saving the world.
Meeting Kavitha
At 33, I met Kavitha at a meditation centre in Singapore.
We were both deep mediators.
I felt a lot of peace when I meditated but yearned for extraordinary experiences.
I would close my eyes and say: "I'm not opening my eyes until an angel shows up, or I hear the booming voice of God, or something. Anything!"
But if course, nothing happened.
Kavitha, on the other hand, had plenty of experiences in meditation that I considered "amazing".
She would have visions or receive messages, and she would share them with me.
It awakened my childhood fantasies of living an extraordinary life.
Over time, I came to rely on her for "divine guidance".
The Call to Develop Intuition
Then a series of events happened, the details of which I will share when appropriate.
Suffice to say, the events sent me a clear message: I had to develop my own intuition and stop relying on Kavitha.
At that time, this was a completely new concept to me.
Nowhere in my upbringing or education was I taught how to connect to my intuition.
Heck, no one even told me I had something called "intuition".
My First Attempts to Connect to Myself
So I sat every night in my room trying to connect to this thing called intuition. Dimmed the lights, lit a candle, and just sat.
I would close my eyes and ask, "Okay, intuition, what do you want to tell me today?"
Crickets.
"Maybe I just need to be patient."
More crickets.
"What exactly am I supposed to listen out for? I hear nothing!"
Then I tried asking a question that was bothering me. A simple yes or no question.
I waited for a response.
I didn't hear anything, but I felt a tug in my stomach.
Then I requested, "Show me a 'yes'."
I felt the tug again.
"Show me a 'no'."
No tug.
This became the first way I connected to my intuition. Something I still use today.
Intuition and Relationships
Over time, I developed a closer relationship with the voices inside me.
I learnt to receive more complex messages.
I learnt to differentiate between the voice of my ego; the voice of my emotions, fear and pain; and the voice of my higher, wiser self.
Little did I know, this ability to connect to myself was a powerful skill in relationships.
Whenever I feel triggered by something someone said or did, I practice this.
I listen to what the triggered feelings in my want to say.
Whenever I feel stuck, I listen to the advice of my wiser self.
I share what I hear in myself with Kavitha. She does the same.
And that's how we develop intimacy, by feeling the deeper layers in ourselves and each other.
The Superpower We All Have
I now understand more deeply what it means to "develop a relationship with myself".
This skill is a superpower we all have.
It has shown me who I really am. Or rather, what are the various components and layers that make up "me".
It has shown me my place in the greater universe, and the meaning and purpose of my life.
The great mythologist and thinker Joseph Campbell observed, "Every life has heroic potential."
I truly believe that. And I believe it starts with building a relationship with ourselves.
In Friendship,
Kester
Therapist and Founder, SACRED®
P.S. We're having our first in-person event this year at Chimichanga Vivocity on Saturday, 31st Jan 2026, 3-6pm, called 'Date Wiser'. It'll be a fun, guided experience for singles and dating couples to explore your dating habits, uncover hidden biases, and be clearer and more intentional about finding a life partner. 20 spaces left. Sign up here.
P.P.S. Want to learn how to build a stronger relationship with yourself and others? Join the SACRED Relationship Foundational Course. Registration closes 1st Feb 2026.
