Caught Between Partner and Family? 3 Tips to Navigate Conflict

What you will learn from this blog:

• Sitting on the fence and trying to appease both sides only makes things worse.
• Instead of thinking ”why is this happening to me?”, reflect on “what is trying to happen?”
• Instead of blaming others for putting you in this situation, reflect on what qualities is this situation trying to bring out in you; how is this situation trying to help you be clearer on your core values.

Introduction

It can be extremely challenging being stuck between your partner and family over issues such as different beliefs, cultures, wants and needs. You love both your partner and parents - but it can feel like your heart is being pulled apart.

You try to stay neutral, but both sides keep trying to pull you to their side. You do what you think is best - you try to please both sides, but end up in a bigger mess.

As therapists, we are very familiar with this situation through our own personal experiences as well as from those who come to us seeking emotional therapy and relationship therapy in Singapore.

Here are three tips we offer at SACRED® Institute on how you can navigate such situations with calmness:

1. Reflect on what role you can and are willing to play

It may not be your job to fix the situation or to change your partner or parents. It may also not be sustainable for you to keep conveying messages between your partner and family.

In our experience, it is attempting to do both that invites greater challenges for many couples.

Instead, your role could be to hear all parties out respectfully, gently suggest solutions, and help them understand the other side if they are open to it.

2. Take time to process your own emotions

In the midst of dealing with all these emotions, it is important to find time and space for yourself. This will help relieve the stress from the situation, and allow you to process your own emotions.

If you are unable to manage your own emotions, it will be difficult for you to play a calm and meaningful role. You might get triggered by both sides easily and get drawn into their conflict.

3. Communicate how you feel

Reflect on, and communicate openly to both sides your view on the issue. Let them know what you value and what is important to you. Most importantly, share with them how the conflict makes you feel.

Instead of trying to convince them to accept your view, allow them time to process what you shared and decide what to do.

Remember - you mean a lot to both sides, and they are more likely than not to take your feelings into consideration.

Conclusion

It is our natural reaction to sit on the fence when we are in a situation that calls for us to pick the side of either our partner or parents. This does more harm than good, because our partner may feel like they don’t have our support, and our parents will feel as if we have forgotten our duty or allegiances.

Many couples hate being in that situation, and oftentimes this can be avoided if we learn to be more self-aware, get clear on our responsibilities and role, and communicate openly and honestly.

Take Action

Therapy involves a process of weeding out challenges you are facing and aligning you to who you truly want to be.

We at SACRED® Institute are here to support you through your journey of self-discovery and learning to build a stronger relationship with your partner as marriage counsellors in Singapore.

1-1 or Couple Therapy: Receive our personalised support. Find out how you can book a therapy session with us → CLICK HERE

Relationship Course: Learn the skills and tools that have helped 1,000+ people experience fulfilling relationships. Learn more about our signature Relationship Foundational Course → CLICK HERE

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